Unphotagraphabley me

2016-2021

I sat down across from you

Not knowing quite who I was

Two cups of cold coffee

You paid for both of us

Was this the beginning of our love?

I could barely hear your voice

Let alone understand you

Soft-spoken, casual, sweet

With no airs about you

Assured without being an elite

I went home and we met again

Strolling side by side together

But alone in different worlds

No thoughts of forever

a moment in time, chatting with pleasure

You called me very handsome

With not the slightest longing

Hegel appeared in between

Your Mummi brought me tea

Sublating our dialectic

“Is vale se shaadi kar”

“You ought to marry this one”

Startled you turned my way

“She doesn’t quite realize

“A guy and a girl can be just friends.”

Since our first two meets,

we’ve come a long way

especially you

leaving tears in Kolkata

on the shoulders of your kin

Who you’d supported through thick and thin

who said they’d be okay without you

who were as heart-broken as proud of you

Flowering into your own wonder woman

From the time I had first seen the budding stem

Working at home, relaxing, taking a break

From your crusade against the powerful

gaining new perspective

adapting to an election

adapting to my friends and family

dancing in your first snow

The beauty of a house

The promise of a home

A pet replacing your vision of an animal farm

stable job instead of an early sanyas

Letting me be

trusting when it didn’t make any sense to

wisdom is not having any expectations

wisdom is the sound of your voice

the care in your words

the integrity of your deeds

balancing our wants and needs

dominating and tiring of it

sitting back and learning patience

entering a world of calm

cuddling in my arms

2020 didn’t defeat us

it was our greatest year

the envy of our peers

and on we go as one

into 2021

and beyond...

REINCAMERANATION

my self dissolves

in the light of overexposed film

reels and reels of black magnetic tape

all that I am

nothing less

nothing more

no more cut scenes

of strings of memory

some brighter than others

some damaged beyond repair

unable to ever capture the full extent of my life

anyways

no longer identifiable

as the person I am

or was

just black magnetic strips

spinning in circles relentlessly

whirring on the wheel

is this who I am?

where am I?

I could be anything

everyone

everything

anyone

who has ever been

who will ever be

absolutely naked

nothing

a child in the womb

not quite ready for a new world

not knowing anything else

wiped clean

for the show

for the next scene

black majestic tape

it all must go on:

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION

Faith in Reason

I have faith in the faithless,

an ardent striving

for clarity, for a

thought

which

could

only

be

by necessity. 

doubtlessly true,

hitting me with the force of

pure reason. 

But I do not know,

do not have the patience

to make beginnings

to cognize the flaws

in my consciousness’s laws

that cannot but assume

its own capacity

its own veracity

its own tapestry

of contents and forms.

but now thinking of thinking

I see

thinking thinking thinking

doing its own work

acting on itself

moving

to validate itself

before looking anywhere else

or accepting any of the rest,

revealing what comes first

and what comes next,

putting itself to its own test. 

so, silently, I put away any hope

extinguish any desire to know,

so that when eating an apple

with a tongue ever-tasteless

only the truth of truth alone

will abolish my faith in the faithless.

I wish you knew

I wish you knew

without any doubts of disloyalty

what I see in you

in your smiles, your dancing,

your childlike expressions of joy

that peak out from a heavy heart,

disappointment, somberness, rightful rage,

the hope to go on, to live forward

hope that you will bring me with you

through spaced-out oblivions

into your simple and clean

clarity of thoughts,

atheist blessings,

your recognition. 

you say I am not capable

or I lack the will

or the love

to reciprocate

but I could not bear to part with you

since before you were mine

though my wandering missteps

have brought us to the brink. 

I still have hope you will see in me

the commitment to chose you

again and again and again

to choose life itself and all its possibilities

my best friend, my wonder, my spirit guide,

my hope, my happiness, my love

older, wiser, as we shape each other

through new phases of life

sturdier manifestations of love,

letting go of a past that tormented me

for so long

to awaken to you each day

to be your refuge

to walk with you through your trials

hand in hand

to celebrate your victories

our revolutions

to have a front row seat for your accomplishments

and your failures

to watch you slice through the knots of your demons

to realize yourself

and your place in this world

you are my ultimate privilege

my fresh air, my Avatar

my freedom

People are my Lands

People are my lands
My oceans, my sands
Stretched out horizons
Suns ever-rising
Moons waning and waxing
Tiring and relaxing
Growing out of seeds
Chopped down like the weeds
Canopies of trees
The shade of the elders’ leaves.

Rows and rows of farms
Gathering in swarms
Scattered by the storms
Dried up by the heat
Looks so lifeless and empty
Grounds barren with desert
Diamonds formed from pressure
Deep in the jaws of stone
Millions of years of bones
Holding up the thrones
Continental drift
Diasporic gifts

Glaciers melting fast
Old ways now rehashed
The bush is still on fire
Ignited by the liars
The honest ones pull true
Like the tides and the moon
But earthquakes tear asunder
Hurricanes and tornadoes blow
Tsunamis crash and bring us under
The fury never seems to go

People are my lands
My oceans, my sands
My only habitat
A wilderness intact
How deep to go?
How far to traverse?
This Earth of soul
Just a corner of the universe
The only one I’ll ever know
Will I ever know these people,
These lands, these oceans, these sands?

9 Months In

Is this what you had in mind?

Packing your things

Leaving your home

Goodbyes to friends

Flying across seas

Panic-stricken with great

trepidation

To live here with fantastical

determination.

For me?

Seeing you at arrivals

Chatting with my family

Sitting in our car

Remembering the seatbelt

at my urging.

Driving down our first roads

together.

Exclaiming at the trees,

the empty scenes

an hour and a half

and we were back.

To another home. my home

now complete

taking you down the stairs

tucking you in the sheets.

Talking about this and that

things not yet sinking in

a wedding to prepare for

to get dressed for

discombobulating commotion

swarms of guests

my family and family friends

inspecting you through their lens

reaching a verdict

“He’s lucky to have you.”

here comes the bhaarat

third world drums blaring 

from outside

the elite museum

bringing a procession in,

colorful and vibrant

led by a dutiful dancer

to a sun-drenched altar

presided over by the ancient wisdom of

Hebrews and Hindus

where you descended

to an oh so bittersweet melody

step by step, girded by your

last connections to life in India.

A tear painted the museum floor

and you stepped over it

as you marched to me

to ceremonially recognize

what we already knew to be true

while I zoned in and out

and felt a breeze

through my dhoti

vows were spoken

and I leaned in

for a momentous kiss

you hesitated to reciprocate

before our lips met

and we took 7 steps

hand in hand.

Next came learning each other all over

and touching each other all over

walks in the woods

treachery and forgiveness

anger and depression

alcoholic balm

insomnia

uncertain normalcy

dinner dates with my friends

who became your friends

road trips to Savannah and Asheville

River street fireworks and

Lithuanian hikes

Jazz clubs.

Oh and my flights of fancy in between

Listening to me wide-eyed

proselytizing

While you held everything steady.

And we settled down to another home

small and quaint

You did it all

decorating, assembling furniture

trying out the cookware

washing the dishes

scrubbing the bathroom

playing host for guests

torn between people who rely on you

your friends, your family, my family, me

losing your mind and

putting it back together

campaigning for justice

applying for jobs

tentatively, like a fish out of sea

flopping around this alien landscape

holding onto me.