I wish you knew
without any doubts of disloyalty
what I see in you
in your smiles, your dancing,
your childlike expressions of joy
that peak out from a heavy heart,
disappointment, somberness, rightful rage,
the hope to go on, to live forward
hope that you will bring me with you
through spaced-out oblivions
into your simple and clean
clarity of thoughts,
atheist blessings,
your recognition.
you say I am not capable
or I lack the will
or the love
to reciprocate
but I could not bear to part with you
since before you were mine
though my wandering missteps
have brought us to the brink.
I still have hope you will see in me
the commitment to chose you
again and again and again
to choose life itself and all its possibilities
my best friend, my wonder, my spirit guide,
my hope, my happiness, my love
older, wiser, as we shape each other
through new phases of life
sturdier manifestations of love,
letting go of a past that tormented me
for so long
to awaken to you each day
to be your refuge
to walk with you through your trials
hand in hand
to celebrate your victories
our revolutions
to have a front row seat for your accomplishments
and your failures
to watch you slice through the knots of your demons
to realize yourself
and your place in this world
you are my ultimate privilege
my fresh air, my Avatar
my freedom
