Second Attempt at PhiloDelphic Love

 Plato’s Apology:

Dear Dad,

I’m sorry for not being completey Truthful with you. In fact, there were secrets hidden from me, which I did not realise until being told many moons later.

To put it lighty, I am (not) your father, however amniotic fluids do concern me. As they ought to concern anyone.

I dream to go back to simpler times when we reproduced asexually and coud expand our progeny while remaining a part of the bigger picture.

Many trees are being felled, and many organims, bacterial or otherwise have been hijacked by viruses- those intruders who know us not, yet attempt to replicate our Deoxyribose nucleic Acid.

I am a fan of yours, but also your son, sexually so. I understand the torment of being childess when all that we dream of is allowing you to become Grandfather (not a clock, not a time-keeper, but just You, in whatever shape and form you must synthesize to create on behalf of our Race. The human Race (e.g. for the gamers- “Ready Player One”- Spielberg) 

However, for those of US who are not deceived, we march onwards, like Christian Soldiers going up against the ignoble Salaadin, not welcomed by my Grandfathers (Grandpa didn’t make it to their wedding), let alone the True Roots of Athens, wherein tourists come to see the Tree that Owns Itself. We all know who Conceived of A Tree that woud Own Itself (and if you haven’t read His books yet, well then, what are you waaaiting for??).

Bringing me back to Espousal relationships- The Just Family, I was compelled to read when I drove to Harts field-Jackson to pick her up, my bride, only a fortnight or so before the wedding ceremony. Little known fact is that we were not officially married until we made an appearance in a Oconee County Courtroom (for some procedural issue we were unable to get the job done in Athens). Good thing for us, Oconee county has some of the best schools in the country. Bad news for us is, Racialism and racist attitudes (as a result of the aforementioned Racialism)(tacitly observed) abound in this suburb of Athens that was borne out of Segregationist attitudes and anti-White, anti-White/Black, anti-Chinese, anti-Indian, anti-Hispanic, anti-impoverished sentiment)(‘White Flight’).

What have we learned since that day?

To temper our Passion. To suffer silently. To have remorse. To (who) apologizes, Earnestly.?

To not be exploited and not to exploit!!!!!!!!!!! To always “call a spade a spade” in the ‘words’ of ‘Jay Electronica’ (whomever his shrink is may have something to say on the record, too).

Knowing these truths to be self-evident and factual, we return to my days as an Athenian scholar (though I was not at my best circa 2014-2017-+-(I had much Greater peope on my mind))(and their loved ones, too, who were being malnourished, (poisoned and starved, sexploited, lied to, threatened, bludgeoned and set on fire, all in the name of tradition blindly followed by vicious humans, guilty of not distinguishing their animal instincts (explained a priori, and pleading not-guilty, in retrospect) from their own responsibility as a rational free agent. For all those involved in the lynching that continued to happen, observed in-person by traumatized individual (who have already heard of such terror, have experienced in vicariously, and whom have lived through it themself), we offer asylum, care, comfort, and a Reeducation worthy of any Rectificatory Friend/love bird- For those of us still on the ground, ground level, good luck with making it back to the first floor! For that you may need a mezzanine staircase and a cast-iron rusty lift (though in our family, we do what is necessary to allow access to any rational animal in any condition physically, genetically, emotionally, sexually, and even morally to live a long life, long enough to “Right His Wrongs” and Recite these songs, and to premeditate only Grace, Spacious Space, Flavorful Favors, Incredible Neighbors, 5 burroughs left behind, for a New Land, not a Brave New World in Aldous Huxley’s mind, but rather a world in which we all must, without exception, follow those Universal Declarations of Human Rights, screamed by the mute for time immemorial, known by the dumb since 2001, eaten by the worms and maggots in the hot Australina sun, poured into the Roman roads and Gotham homes...you live the reality you admire, and your end comes when you die. That is all, that is all, and you’ve done well my friend. We need not Hope for a faithless Hope, unless that faithless hope is confident in its Atheistic Spiritual Friends. We do not steal, we do not kill, we do not covet, we do not encourage still births, we do not lie, we do not feel guilty for Being Just, we do not cower in the dust, we do not scrape away our marks, or carry over our Musk to bottles designed as technology for unscrupulous seducers.

We Help the Poor. We Bless the non-living. We work with our hands, we eat with our hands, we show our thumbs-turned up to recognize the evolutionary ancestry which augmented our ability to master nature, to destroy the blind bounds of evolutionary theory, to be the measurers of all things- in the past. All that has come, all that has gone, now I delight in the present-day songs, the whims and fancies of my Negative Nancies and Gloomy Randy’s, uplifting them and bearing the brunt of their occlusion of their own delusions, who seem to be unable to “Handle the truth” or even to recognize the Truth of Truth itself. When I know in my heart Who is the Truist, then I have my metaphorical compass to guide my messages to the Universe with exact precision, specificity and sensitivity to the nth degree. What month am I born, that coud be for you to ponder, what is my favorite car, well- drive on Brother, Who was my favorite image? Myself of course? Beause in this wonderful world I have had the Extreme Gratitude and Privilege of knowing the finest Women known to Man. And I am he, Manas Samuel Winfield (Don’t forget the Lincoln Logs- let’s get to building (objects, not people!).

With ALL MY LOVES In the WORLD working overtime,

A blank check,

to replace my blank stare,

What would you rather have from me?

Love, 

manas

Dedicated to my Family away from Athens. You all know who you are and what you mean to me. Immense pride.

Love, Dad

 Not being able to see my father on Father’s Day, 2023 (6/14/23):

This Father’s Day

I will continue to be removed

From the table where we would normally have shared a meal

My father and I

Along with my Amma

And even apart from a family video chat

With my brother and sister, too,

Due to having picked up a criminal charge

In the midst of mania

A molehill turned into a mountain, in my mind

Though a scary moment for dad, it must have been

Given our tumultuous past year

Which for me has been not much fun,

Not too easy, at all

Though I still am living off the kindness of my parents,

Dad included

And I do not suspect any enduring bad blood, from his side,

Though maybe my brother or sister feel I am getting off too easy

While they work to pay their bills.

This Father’s Day, I suppose

I will be preparing for a series of future Father’s Days

In which, I will not be seeing my father

Not be giving him the kiss on the cheek,

And hug, which I had planned the day I went to jail, instead.

An uncertain future for me, and Amma, and my brother and sister

Without Dad there at all

Unimaginable, unfathomable, as he has a way of

Running the whole show

In which we are evaluated from the level of authority

Of a distinguished philosopher,

Doing double duty as a loving dad.

This Father’s Day I wonder

Will my absence be felt in my father’s heart?

Am I any more to him than a nuisance?

As yet unable to stand on my own two feet,

As he suggests, each person ought to, or must, do,

In order to be free.

Well, my freedom feels handicapped,

By my own inability to live well

To be well

To sustain a livelihood

To sustain relationships

To patiently pursue my interests and hobbies

To focus on what is most important

All the things that my father has done my whole life,

And it seems, for the whole life he lived before I was ever born,

A 39 years expanse which has made it hard for me to understand

The workings of his being.

This Father’s Day,

I’ll sit around at home, alone

Maybe writing more poems for my father

Honouring his name and accomplishments

Feeling disenchanted now and maybe more sentimental then

Everyday of Life is MotherFarthersDays

 

Son to Mother, 2023 (two days belated)

Dear Ammaji

This year has been a process

Of learning to let go

Of grudges, animosities

And of course, ego

To settle into a comfortable relation with you

Where we are not at each others’ throats

Not taking up a challenge of

Putting down the others’ arguments

Or point of view

Both of us practicing the lessons

And coping mechanisms

Taught in the intensive outpatient groups

You’ve taken me to,

Half-asleep, me,

(If not you),

Knocking on my door each morning,

Waking me up,

Bringing me food,

As if, 

These are just things all mother’s do.

Spending hours upon hours together,

In all sorts of moods

With chemically imbalanced brain

And living in a secret world of thoughts

Known only to me

Yet feeling some strong connection

As if you knew,

Or know,

Something hidden from my view,

Or that you are my partner

In some plot to save the world,

Or to bring it down,

Or to redistribute its riches,

Fanciful indeed.

When really, we are simply dancing here,

Trying to traverse a gap In understanding.

You, coming from the sane world

Stepping into an unpredictable domain

Where you have been harmed many times before

By my madness,

Showing inestimable courage,

Seeing it as your duty as a mother,

When the hospitals do not take me in,

And left to myself I become a victim

Of disordered thoughts

And bizarre behaviour,

In private and in public,

To which you are completely beyond 

any embarrassment,

Simply wishing for me to be well

In whatever ways that it might feel like

Progress is being made,

When my fate feels so tenuous

That my life may be hanging by

The delicate threads of chance.

Let me stop here and take note of

Where we are right now:

Stable, in harmony

Our relationship better than its ever been,

My gratitude for you

Not leaving me for long.

My impetuousness receding,

I would like to stay here,

For as long as I can,

Admiring your virtues,

Forgetting any foibles

Not thinking in terms of forgiveness,

Not thinking in terms of guilt or blame,

Not judging you, anymore,

Moving forward,

Taking all you have given me,

And applying it steadily

Into my life.

Letting your obsessive care

Not bother me so much anymore,

Listening to your suggestions,

Without putting up any fight,

And ultimately deciding

On my own time,

But thinking of all you’ve learned before me

And putting my faith in you,

Dad,

Kalindi and Rasik,

Extended family and supporters,

Family friends,

And giving you all the love you deserve,

Taking a page out of your book,

Which by now is a whole saga, unwritten,

Of how to love people,

How to rejoice in life,

How to suffer with dignity,

And how to live a life,

No matter how incomplete,

Or unplanned,

With grace and simplicity,

Being okay with my lot,

And doing the best I can,

To accept myself,

As only you have

Up til now.