Not being able to see my father on Father’s Day, 2023 (6/14/23):
This Father’s Day
I will continue to be removed
From the table where we would normally have shared a meal
My father and I
Along with my Amma
And even apart from a family video chat
With my brother and sister, too,
Due to having picked up a criminal charge
In the midst of mania
A molehill turned into a mountain, in my mind
Though a scary moment for dad, it must have been
Given our tumultuous past year
Which for me has been not much fun,
Not too easy, at all
Though I still am living off the kindness of my parents,
Dad included
And I do not suspect any enduring bad blood, from his side,
Though maybe my brother or sister feel I am getting off too easy
While they work to pay their bills.
This Father’s Day, I suppose
I will be preparing for a series of future Father’s Days
In which, I will not be seeing my father
Not be giving him the kiss on the cheek,
And hug, which I had planned the day I went to jail, instead.
An uncertain future for me, and Amma, and my brother and sister
Without Dad there at all
Unimaginable, unfathomable, as he has a way of
Running the whole show
In which we are evaluated from the level of authority
Of a distinguished philosopher,
Doing double duty as a loving dad.
This Father’s Day I wonder
Will my absence be felt in my father’s heart?
Am I any more to him than a nuisance?
As yet unable to stand on my own two feet,
As he suggests, each person ought to, or must, do,
In order to be free.
Well, my freedom feels handicapped,
By my own inability to live well
To be well
To sustain a livelihood
To sustain relationships
To patiently pursue my interests and hobbies
To focus on what is most important
All the things that my father has done my whole life,
And it seems, for the whole life he lived before I was ever born,
A 39 years expanse which has made it hard for me to understand
The workings of his being.
This Father’s Day,
I’ll sit around at home, alone
Maybe writing more poems for my father
Honouring his name and accomplishments
Feeling disenchanted now and maybe more sentimental then
This Father’s Day
I will continue to be removed
From the table where we would normally have shared a meal
My father and I
Along with my Amma
And even apart from a family video chat
With my brother and sister, too,
Due to having picked up a criminal charge
In the midst of mania
A molehill turned into a mountain, in my mind
Though a scary moment for dad, it must have been
Given our tumultuous past year
Which for me has been not much fun,
Not too easy, at all
Though I still am living off the kindness of my parents,
Dad included
And I do not suspect any enduring bad blood, from his side,
Though maybe my brother or sister feel I am getting off too easy
While they work to pay their bills.
This Father’s Day, I suppose
I will be preparing for a series of future Father’s Days
In which, I will not be seeing my father
Not be giving him the kiss on the cheek,
And hug, which I had planned the day I went to jail, instead.
An uncertain future for me, and Amma, and my brother and sister
Without Dad there at all
Unimaginable, unfathomable, as he has a way of
Running the whole show
In which we are evaluated from the level of authority
Of a distinguished philosopher,
Doing double duty as a loving dad.
This Father’s Day I wonder
Will my absence be felt in my father’s heart?
Am I any more to him than a nuisance?
As yet unable to stand on my own two feet,
As he suggests, each person ought to, or must, do,
In order to be free.
Well, my freedom feels handicapped,
By my own inability to live well
To be well
To sustain a livelihood
To sustain relationships
To patiently pursue my interests and hobbies
To focus on what is most important
All the things that my father has done my whole life,
And it seems, for the whole life he lived before I was ever born,
A 39 years expanse which has made it hard for me to understand
The workings of his being.
This Father’s Day,
I’ll sit around at home, alone
Maybe writing more poems for my father
Honouring his name and accomplishments
Feeling disenchanted now and maybe more sentimental then
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